Thursday, May 14, 2009

Parenting At It's Best...

The only thing this child is missing is a bottle filled with Coca-Cola and a nice shrub to piss on!

However, I will say, I'm in favor of the kid leash. I hate having the little critters crawl all over the place and smelling at my crotch when I'm at the park. Or chasing after the stray kids that may be wandering by. Plus, it makes them easier to swing over your head should the need arise.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

O.K. Corral

In my house as a child, there was no discussion about food, are you kidding? You ate what was put in front of you; you ate everything on your plate; and you never, ever complained. Because any child who complained or refused to eat everything on their plate go their ass beat and sent to bed, hungry.'s not the number of mouths to feed; it's the one who's howling, getting their ass paddled at the kitchen table. And, naturally, everyone else just keeps eating, pretending not to notice the huge distraction blowing snot at the other end of the table.

And so that brings me to my darling sweet JoJo who challenged me to a dual last night. Well...not so much a dual, but a flat out standoff. Allie started to join in, but quickly changed her mind and ate her dinner when she saw how serious I was. So JoJo sassed me and told me that dinner was "Gross", and went so far as to shove his plate across the table. Gross??? I pride myself on my dinners- it's not just Ramen noodles and Spaghetti O's in my house! So, it was just your basic bratty kid behavior, right? So I ordered him to sit there at the table until he finished his dinner, which of course he refused to do.
So he sat at the table. And he sat. And he sat. From time to time, I checked on his progress. At one point I even thought I was being nice by reheating the plate of dinner. Naturally, there was no progress because he had decided that he would rather spend the rest of his life at the table then to eat his dinner. It was a true Old West standoff at the OK Corral. Billy the Kid and Jesse James staring each other down. Neither refusing to budge. Mind you- this is a three year old! And inside I just kept telling myself that I can't loose to a stinkin three year old!

Hours later- he's still sitting at the table, so I asked him one last time if he was going to eat his dinner. "No, gross" was his reply and then he threw himself on the table. Yeah- not really impressed with the performance. And because I'm completely immature and just as bratty as a three year old- I made him sit there some more! I just couldn't lose. I couldn't. It was like a game of battleship and I was determined to sink him. My entire self worth depended on it!!!

In the end- he fell asleep at the frickin table! He still didn't eat one bite of his dinner. I know inside he thinks he won- but really- I claim victory. He eventually gave up his will to fight and let sleep take over. Wussy!!!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


I totally have a new stalker.

We moved offices two weeks ago and now we reside in the big building. This creepy guy, who I will now refer to as "Creeper", has been following me around. I guess that's flattering if you're into the whole lumberjack look and all.

He's always asking me creepy stalker questions like "Hi. How are you?" and "Do you know what time it is" Geez! Get off my back already!! I'm married!!!!!

I'm not used to new creepy people yet- I've barely gotten used to the regular creepy people that I work with every day!

If I don't write again for another few months it's because I've been chopped up into little bits and I was served as the lunch special in the cafeteria!!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Friday, March 6, 2009

I Know Why Parents Shake Their Kids...

It's the end of a really long week and I'm about at my wits end. My kids do not listen. No- for real- THEY DO NOT LISTEN!!!! Furthermore, I am so tired of hearing "Well, I'm just gonna.....".

I tell Allie not to cut up the mail and she answers me with "Well, I'm just gonna...."
I tell JoJo not to put his cars in the toilet and he answers me with " I'm just gonna...."
I tell Allie to stop putting stickers on the front door and she tells me "Well, I'm just gonna..."
I tell JoJo to stop wiping his boogers on my TV and he tells me "Well, I'm just gonna...."

Not to mention, that Allie decided that she didn't want to have to take her medicine anymore so she threw it in the trash. The entire bottle of a brand new prescription. I had to fish around in the trash bag this morning with last nights leftovers and something else I couldn't identfy.

So I told them both that "I'm just gonna" drop them off at the nearest bus stop and hope someone else wants to kids that don't listen.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I Really Have No Excuse...

Ok- I know what you're going to say and you can just save it. I really have no excuse for not posting for a couple of weeks (ha ha couple of months). I'm just totally lazy- that's all. Shut up- don't judge me.

ANYWAY- here's a couple update photos. Allie started her dance class this past weekend. I can say without a doubt- she was the cutest child in the entire class. And you know- it is really all about the outfit!

Jojo is still a complete nut. He spends the majority of his time destroying everything he touches. That's why we can't have anything nice! (I know my mom has said that one a thousand times!)
And here's a couple of pictures from the "Blizzard" we had yesterday.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

So Righteous...

Isn't he dreamy?